Oh, the high school years...

I use to have really low self-esteem. Did you know that?

So insecure and inconfident was I that I couldn't even bring myself to talk to the males species, especially the higher and hotter of the lot. ( I can imagine you gawking with your mouth hanging and your eyes wide open.) 'What? Really ar?' you say. A lot of people I meet now seem to have a huge impression that I've had had a lot of flings with guys in the past.

Truth is, I was a really shy creature.

While the girls my age then were playfully batting their pretty eyelashes and flinging thier long lucious hair at admiring boys, I cast myself along the sidelines-choosing to admire from afar than to confront the intimidating); simply because I was overly self-conscious and too shy to do anything about boys.

Back then , speaking in front of a crowd would send me hyperventilating all the way to Tinbuktu. Performing an act or a dance in front of a large audience would drive my nervous and excretory system into a state of anxiety and confusion; instead of my brain reacting to the 'public' stimuli, my urinary bladder and bowels were getting signals to release all urinary and shitty content. (which explains my ridiculous amount of visits to the bathroom before a performance; and sometimes, during a performance)

My psychology book says that self-esteem is at its lowest ebb during the high school years; which to a great extent, I believe is true. Being thirteen and being in secondary school for the first time doesn't aid much in boosting the self-esteem, unless of course you already have something strong to identify yourself with-like athletic sports, scouting skills, a great singing-voice, graceful dancing ability, or all you really need is to possess extremely charming and physically beautiful traits.(that's where you people get esteem from public attention) Undergoing psychological-bodily changes in a sudden great intensity sends us into a state of bewilderment and confusion, and raging hormones don't help either. (one classic example would be my cousin sister running up to her mom in panic, asking 'eeeehhh is something wrong with me... why got so much hair grow there one?')

So, teenagers at this point are pretty much left alone to search for their placing in their school and the society, basically, trying to find out who they are in this large, big world- what their very own identity is. Frankly speaking, it's not an easy thing to do at the age where so many new experiences are being thrown at you. I had a hard time finding out who I was, who I could grow to be, and of what stature would I stand among my peers.

If you ask me, it's a time of our lives where the wrong choice could lead to possible disaster. Being young means being naive and easily-influenced; and if you didn't know any better, you could end up selling your identity at the wrong place. If I hadn't searched for my identity in the right places then, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I probably would be still very uptight and insecure about everything and anything; no, i do not think that I would have done drugs or cigarettes or amassing numbers of boyfriends; I would probably end up in the never-ending pursuit for power and position, and I would be a really mean sister, and rebellious in every way.
I probably wouldn't care less if you came asking me to teach you additional mathematics; so long as I could crush and beat you to getting a higher score, that would give me a sense a security. (a rather false one,don't you think?)

It scares me to even think what I could possibly become if not for Jesus. Seriously, I owe it all to Jesus for all that I am today. It is in Him that I found a great sense of security, it is in His overwhelming grace and unconditional love for me that I found my true identity. And I am eternally grateful. :)

But those were the high-school years...now, being in college and pursuing a lifetime degree and career is a totally different thing. I just thank God that I'm not stuggling with much insecurity and an identity-crisis right now. But would you say that we deal with different levels of security and identities at each stage of life? Hmm, maybe so. We do have different wants and needs at each stage. Oh wells.

I think to some extent, I am still a shy person.

*shies away*

haha

I really have to go study.

I am a Barney Grumble

Here's a great personality test I did in my Psychology Class!!

The SIMPSONS Personality Test!

I never expected myself to be ...Barney Grumble! seriously, of all people! but it so matches who i am, i think.

So, according to http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/enfp/ , I am
Extroverted-Feeling-Intuition-Perceiving-based.

"They can't bear to miss out on what is going on around them; they must experience, first hand, all the significant social events that affect our lives."
- The Portrait of the Champion Idealist (Keirsey)

"ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it."
- Portrait of an ENFP (The Personality Page)

"Friends are what life is about to ENFPs, moreso even than the other NFs. They hold up their end of the relationship, sometimes being victimized by less caring individuals. ENFPs are energized by being around people. Some have real difficulty being alone, especially on a regular basis."
- ENFP Profile (TypeLogic)

"outgoing, social, disorganized, easily talked into doing silly things, spontaneous, wild and crazy, acts without thinking..."
- ENFP Jung Type Descriptions (similarminds.com)

"ENFPs are energetic and enthusiastic leaders who are likely to take charge when a new endeavor needs a visionary spokesperson. ENFPs are values-oriented people who become champions of causes and services relating to human needs and dreams. Their leadership style is one of soliciting and recognizing others' contributions and of evaluating the personal needs of their followers. ENFPs are often charismatic leaders who are able to help people see the possibilities beyond themselves and their current realities. They function as catalysts."
- ENFP - The Visionary (Lifexplore)

"Ranked 1st of all 16 types in using social and emotional coping resources and 2nd in using cognitive resources. "
- ENFP Facts (discoveryourpersonality.com)



I seriously laughed when i read the red part! haha yes, i can do silly things!

Life's Uncertainties

I think each of us will reach a point in our lives where we will face a great deal of uncertainty of the future; a pivotal time of our lives where we are at the crossroads, trying to plant our feet in the direction of the right and best path.

But how do we know which one to take? For some people, it’s as clear as crystal-they’ve found their vocation in life; they know exactly what they love and want. (These are usually the most obvious favourites- lawyer, doctor, dentist, accountant…) But for most people, (by most I am referring the larger smattering of people that I know) they are still pondering, wondering, worrying about the next step to take in life.

Everything is uncertain, confusing even, to think about. There is no clear ringing answer, no sense of assurance, no sight of vision and clarity, no peace of mind and heart. Well, actually most of my friends are still pretty laid-back about their future, or blur to say the least. (Or maybe they are in a state of denial, waiting for others to make the decisions for them, or until reality come a great big smacking in their faces!) I for one choose not to remain oblivious or ignorant to my responsibility of making life decisions.

But then, we should never let our convictions and decisions be guided by our attractions or selfish desires. How do we really know what we want? We may have a pretty good grasp of what we want right now -probably because it’s better to have an aim than nothing to aim for at all; even though it offers a false sense of security, it helps appease the worrying hearts of parents and save us the obligation of living up to our parent’s plans and dreams for us.
(One simple example would be my dad constantly telling me about the journeys and benefits of a lawyer, in the hopes that I would aim to be one too.) Luckily enough, I made up my mind long ago to reach into the corporate world. At least, this is what I think I want. (Who wouldn’t want to be a multi-millionaire CEO right?)

But even if we do know what we want, how do we know if what we’re aiming for is truly what’s right and best for us? Is it what our hearts yearn and truly long for? More importantly, is it what God wants for our lives?

Surely, God knows what’s best for us and holds us in our best interests everything that happens in our lives.(Romans8:28) And since we are called according to His purpose, are we not highly-ordained by God and empowered to do great things to glorify His Name? (Honestly, I’d much rather prefer being a fulltime missionary like Mother Theresa, working with people and helping to fulfil the needs of the needy. It would be so much more fulfilling and worthwhile than running in the highly stressful and unrelenting rat race.) But then again, we can’t all be missionaries. The world still needs its corporate and political leaders, its many MPPJs, its amazing chefs and its Hollywood stars. Indeed, the world would not survive if not for diversity. (Thus the falling of the Babel Tower has proved itself most necessary and worthy of today!)

Ok, this post is becoming incredibly long and impossible to finish now.(I really need my beauty sleep!!!) This is one reason why I’ve been lackadaisical towards the world of blogging. Whenever I start writing or stressing on a particular thing or topic, I end up talking about many other things as well; the reason why I can go out of topic in my essay papers. Sigh.

SO where does this leave me?

I was dilemma-ing but have now an inkling towards the world of International Business and Marketing majors; a Sunway University twinning programme with Victoria University, Melbourne.

God, it this where and what You’d like me to do?

Thailand Trip 09

This is so for the sake of updating.

Nah, not really.

I owe it to Thailand for making my last weekend a memorable one.

SO, here I shall go promoting Thailand!!! :)

Last Friday, my family and I left for Bangkok, Thailand.

For fun, leisure and shopping! What else?

But truthfully, the only other thing that made my day in Thailand, (other than shopping) is

the super spicy Thai chilli sauce!!!! beats any other sauce Ive tasted on Earth! Most most shioking. seriously. you cannot deny my tastebud's sensitivity to the spicy flavour. I live to eat the spicy.

At the airport in Thailand! first holiday in the longest time i shared with my dear tai ko!

The Floating Market-highly recommended place for shopping! all cheap and good! do you know, that they operate their food-selling stores on their boats!!! Even I doubted their effeciency to work and sell from their boats at first! But it seems that they are able to make a living from it. laksa, fishballs on sticks, fruits and kuih!

Note to self: always sit at the very front of the long boats in Thailand to avoid getting wet by splashed water induced by the motor.

:)

The food in Thailand is absolutely glorious!!! and cheaper! I love the super-sized cooked prawns!!!!! super duper yummmY!

The King's Palace.

In Thailand, you cannot cannot CANNOT say anything bad about the Royalties to any local. The least you will get is a scolding, the most would be jail. The Thais are completely and absolutely devoted to their King;undivided loyalty till the very end.

My dad would say..."look its my three beautiful Charlie's Angels!" (I usually scrunch up my nose and make a funny face at this most constant and annoying remark, but this time, I just smiled my pretty smile! Bcos I know that I get to eat my yummy shiok shiok chilli sauce at every meal!)

i miss the thai chilli sauces! :(



Did you know, that Bangkok's actual Thai name is

Krung-thep-maha-nakorn-boworn-ratana-kosin-mahintar- ayudhya-amaha-dilok-pop-nopa-ratana-rajthani-burirom-udom-rajniwes-mahasat-arn-amorn-pimarn- avatar-satit- sakattiya-visanukam ?

HEHE

No need to know la! YOu only need to know

Gorgeous Gloria the Great. :)